Clear and Precise Instructions

With 5 kids, a job and what I'd like to call a life, there is little room for miscommunication. I just don't have time to deal with incorrect instructions for filling out forms, signing up for things or missing out because we just didn't know.

It seems that this is a necessary fact in nearly all aspects of my life. I think it's why I appreciate lists so much.

So, today, here are a few ways to improve communication skills in your own life.

I think you might recognize these....

1. Who? Who do you intend to involve, or for that matter, exclude. For example, if your child gets an invitation to a party, do not assume that all of the children are invited. If it is a friend hosting and you feel comfortable asking, ask. If not, you have 2 choices; either ask or don't ask. If you ask, be prepared for them to say no, it's their party. If they say yes, great! Proceed as necessary. If you are the host, make your mind up ahead of time and invite who you intend to.

2. What? Make sure you give and get clear instructions regarding what is expected of you. It is much easier for everyone if you clarify for yourself whatever you don't understand. The moment you think of a question, it is time to clarify to make sure you proceed forward correctly. This makes everything better.

3. When? How do people ever do anything spontaneous anymore? I have no idea! Because I always have a when. When are you arriving, when am I arriving, when do I need to leave my house to be on-time? Am I perfect at this, HECK NO! I have 5 kids, you silly person. But, I know when I needed to be there... Double checking date, day of the week and time are all important!

4. Why? Well, I should hope you have not arbitrarily agreed to do something without knowing what it was, but the purpose is still important. That said, understanding the purpose of your event will have a direct effect on number 5 in this list...

5. How? How should you dress? How should you act? How should you expect your children to act? All of this is answered in understanding how this thing, whatever it is, is about to go down...

6. Anything else? You don't always have to understand anyone's reasoning for doing anything. But you should know if you are expected to bring plates and napkins to a party. These details are important to more than just you. Check on them.

If you get through these items and you are still unclear about what is going on, maybe you need to call your host, the friend, or possibly, your boss. It's only kind to make sure that everyone is on the same page. As you continue to do these things, you will become better prepared for events and more and more people will (we can only hope) quit thinking that mom = mindreader....because it doesn't. But asking these questions and knowing what is expected of us, will help us all feel better about meeting any of the expectations laid out for us.

Keep it up my friends, you're doing great!

Odd days make for odd feelings

Today was day 2 of block scheduling so my students can test in their English classes. Trust me, they're thrilled. 

Since I had my planning period today and grades were due today, I decided to go for a run during my planning period. I have not really run since late August. You'd be amazed how fast 6 weeks can disappear off a calendar! They FLY!! While I was on my run I had all the usual thoughts, "this hurts, that doesn't, I'm frustrated with x, wonder about y, etc". But I also realized what frustrates me so much about the day grades are due. 

Here's the proof. Cause, ya know, if you don't post it, it never happened. 

It's the day that precedes the day when the disengaged parents re-engage and the day that precedes the same thing for my students. 

Mind you, I did not go into teaching with some doe-eyed notion that I was going to miraculously change the world. But I continue to be saddened and disappointed by the number of teenagers who give up on themselves, disengage or don't commit to their own grades. I wonder if the students, or their parents, believe that Neely showing up warrants the gift of a C or B. I find it baffling the number of students who make low grades and are content to just float with it. I did not become a teacher so I could track 0's and bag teenagers. 

I've tried using fun projects with multiple parts and interesting topics, but somethings just can't be made much more exciting than what they are. I find that my children do pretty well in this area, but the more I coach my kids, the less chores get done. We are working in findin our balance. 

So, in light of this; these are my resolutions for the rest of this semester to see if it helps:

1. Students will bring a signed printout from home with their grades, if they're lower than a 75. (And get bonus points for doing it.)

2. Students will get late homework signed by their parent or guardian. 

3. I will remind students of due dates daily and in Friday's via text message using our messaging app, remind. 

4. Sadly, I will have to increase my parent call rate and call ads and Fs each week, instead of just Fs. 

What ideas do you have, as a parent or a teacher? 

Making things and teaching...well, myself

Today was an interesting one. 

We just came back from fall break and I forgot to finish all of my planning for when we returned. (I was also late with my meal planning yesterday...)

So today I mapped out this week and then the rest of the 2nd quarter! I then proceeded to write the pretests, reviews, chapter tests, semester exam study guide and the semester exam! Then, I went through my files from last year and figured out what I would be yang again today. I also managed to photocopy the project instructions for this quarter. Not to mention, I got TONS of grades put in the computer! Whew! 

Know what we call this? Progress!!!

So this afternoon I met a mommy friend for a play date. Mostly to hide from my laundry, but also for our kids to play. 

See? 

Wouldn't you want to hide from that?!?

 While at the park, we commiserated over small babies, getting back into working out and trying to lose baby weight. I got some great feedback and shared some of my ideas for the blog. I'm thinking of sharing my breastfeeding tips, writing a workbook/planner of things to do for yourself/kiddo kind of like a book of yearly checklists, and (maybe) sharing some of my more personal tips regarding being married for 14+ years. Some days are great and some days well, they just aren't. 

I have found though that approaching parenting like teaching really helps. One piece of this, I discussed last week when I said that I had gone to the bank and was told to start by setting small goals. Well, guess what? I had a list of to-do's and one of them has already paid off!!

So, don't try and do all your laundry at the same time. But maybe set a goal for a load a day? What great tips do you have for managing it all? 

Simchat Torah and A Mass

I shared last week that my family and I practice Judaism. My daughter attends a Catholic school for Pre-Kindergarten. It's a sweet little school in Memphis, that I can say without reservation, is AMAZING. She has a classroom full of sweet children, a teacher who loves her, a principal who loves her and a clergy full of priests and sisters who all seem to enjoy getting to know her, too. It's a great choice. And one that many of my friends and family were surprised we made.

On Sunday we celebrated the holiday, Simchat Torah. It's a beautiful holiday in which Jews all over the world, rejoice that they have completed another year of Torah study and read all 5 books of the Torah; Genesis, Deuteronomy, Leviticus, Numbers, and Exodus, and roll the Torahs in the synagogue back to the beginning. 

The holiday is spent eating, drinking, blessing the Torah, singing and dancing around the synagogue, spot reading various passage and making sure that the entire scroll of each Torah is loving looked over to places needing care. It's one of the loudest and happiest holidays we have. And we just celebrated it early this week.

Today, my daughter shared in a completely different celebration. The Guardian Angel Mass. To be honest, I was unfamiliar with such a thing. I have heard of Mass, primarily in reference to Christmas, but never regarding Guardian Angels. I googled. Here's a link to what I found. The best I can understand from this is that the children are told that the Guardian Angels are watching out for them and the parents are saying they will help the Angels. Sounds pretty good to me. 

I have to be honest, it just doesn't sound too bad. I like to think that my mother is somewhere watching over me, my sisters, our family and my children. It's oddly comforting. Especially given the day I had yesterday! Though Judaism does not teach directly that our loved ones are around in the form of Angels, we have some references throughout many texts that G-d has sent angels to watch us, share messages and help guide our lives.

I got asked if I was sure that this was the right choice for our family. To be fair, you can never know for absolute certainty that anything is "right". But it seems to be a good fit. My daughter comes home and explains prayer hands, "the father, the son and homey ghost" and tries to tell us about "Her Mary full of grass". It's cute for now. I know that at Christmas we will be learning more about the Nativity. 

But I also know that each night when we sit down together for dinner, she is the first to ask about saying or singing the Hamotzi, our prayer over the bread said before we eat a meal, and encourages her siblings to do the same. She loves to go to services at our synagogue and is IMMENSELY jealous that she is not yet old enough for Sunday School classes. 

So is it the right choice for our family? Time will tell.

But it's right, right now.

Tuesday equals second monday?

I don't know about you, but the start of school for 3 of my children and teaching takes a lot out of a person. There are days that I feel like I'm really on the ball and on top of things, and then there are days that I feel mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. Do you have those days?


Since losing my mom, I spend a lot of time feeling like something is missing in my life. And there is, it's my mom. That's not news. I don't know if that feeling is ever going to go away. Some people say that the pain of losing someone you love will not be as strong as time goes on, I'm not sure if that is true or not. While I can talk about my mom with friends, family, my students, even strangers, without getting all teared up, I don't miss her less. Maybe I'm more comfortable with the loss than when it first happened?

Right now, I'm having a hard time. Not only am I missing my mom and having some general morale issues with being a teacher, I'm actually and acutely jealous of my friends right now as a result of my life choices. Please do not think I am say I regret my children. That is not what I am saying. I am saying that I'm looking at my friends who have one or two children and I'm remembering the simpleness of that compared to where we are now and I'm missing the more simpler part of my life. I'm sad for my friends who are struggling to get pregnant. I truly do not understand why I can get pregnant so easily and they cannot. How is that fair? What is it about my family that makes it so that I lose so many people I love in such a short time, and have 5 children without much effort? Why do my friends get to watch their parents grow VERY old and I don't? Why do I get to have 5 kids and some of my friends can't have even one? How does that make sense? Some people say it's G-d's way, but that leaves me feeling lost. So, I'm not sure what the answer is and that frustrates me.

Some people read my blog or see me in person and think that I have it all together. Please believe me when I say, that I so don't. I work hard at a few things that are important to me and I make the required effort at the others. Organizing and planning are things that I enjoy doing. Checklists make me feel like I am in control of the situation I am in, even if I'm not. I do not have a clean house, but I have a clean classroom. My space is organized at school because it is more conducive to learning and a fast-paced environment. My home is slightly more chaotic because I do not have imminent domain. My kitchen, bathroom, laundry area, well, my whole house; is not immaculate, but my children are well fed, they have clean clothes, they are bathed and they are loved.

Is it perfect? No. 

Does it work for us? yes.

For now, let's celebrate each other's good things. I'm going to try to be grateful for my kids today. I'm going to try to look for a silver lining and work on cleaning my house this afternoon, since I carved out some time to do it. I'm going to share with a friend who isn't getting pregnant, how much I love her. Will I be able to fix it for either of us? Probably not, but I'm hoping a coffee and a hug will let her know I care about her. Hopefully, cleaning a room, with my checklist and hugging my friend will help us both.

Remember the duck? Be the duck

I was supposed to have a play date with a friend this afternoon. She has a 2 year old and a 3 week old baby. Life feels very tough for her. 

I was bringing my son, my girls and the baby. 4 kids in tow. We were 10 minutes late, but we were there. 

Approximately 45 minutes after our planned meeting I got a text that she had just gotten to her 2 year old daughter's school. Almost 20 minutes away, easily. 

We decided to try again for our play date. 

Tonite, I had a short, quick errand to run and I offered to bring her coffee. No answer. I went home instead. 

About an hour later I received this message:

"So I'm not good at checking my phone and I just saw this. Currently we have s clean house, 2 clean kids, a full dog, 1 nursing baby, and 1 toddler wanting milk but will have to wait bc daddy's working. Thank you for the offer! Seriously, you're my hero for doing this w 5. You always seem organized and together. I don't even feel like I can keep my life together when it's just me!"

And this was my reply:

With this message:

"That's my bedroom. I just discovered lice in Dillys hair. Again. After she cut 3 more chunks out. Again. And she's wearing a pull-up because I'd rather spend $5/mo than risk getting peed on even 1 more time. I have a minimum of 5 loads of laundry to do and at least a load of dishes. I need to sweep and swifter all over my house. I don't do this any better than anyone else. But I try to recognize that teaching my kids to roll with life will be better than freaking out over laundry and dishes. You're doing great and I'm excited for you that baby is here and you're figuring out your new normal. It's a challenge for us all! Keep pushing."

Friends, I promise, it's tough. But I also promise our kids are growing up right in front of our faces and they're going to leave us one day. If you need help planning something, ask, or check my blog to see if I have a tutorial. If I don't and you want my help, ask. If I do, use it!!

Help each other. Offer support. Fold a friend's laundry. Open a door. 

Help. Each. Other! 

I'm not perfect

I'm a mom. I have 5 kids, I love them fiercely and try so hard to do the things that I should for them. I posted about my youngest daughter yesterday. She is adorable and wonderful and I said that she was 3 months old yesterday. She's not. She's 4 months old.

An entire extra month of her life went by and I somehow, wasn't paying attention and I missed it.

A friend pointed it out when I shared her picture on facebook. I felt terrrible.

I'm her mother, surely I know how old my daughter is. Right?

Instead, I checked the calendar, fixed the blog post and the facebook post and laughed it off... and then the mom-guilt set in.

I felt like crap that I missed an entire month.

I shared on instagram a while back about her first time on swings. And then I wondered if it was really her first time on a swing. Did she go with her nanny while I was at work? Is this a joy she's already had that I missed?

Life is tough having kids. Doesn't matter if you have 1 or 5 or 11. We have created a society that makes it necessary for us to do all the things and with pinterest and instagram and everything else, there's this notion that not only are we capable of doing ALL THE THINGS, but that they are adorable, monogrammed and photograph worthy.

Let's be real, they're not.

This is my plan going forward, I am going to make an effort to do the best I can in that moment. And if it's not perfect, I'm letting myself off the hook. It's ok to not be perfect. Then, I'm going to start trying to spread some love and motivate a few others out there.

Who's with me? Can you let yourself off the hook?