Day 3/365: Surrogacy

A long time ago I leaned about surrogacy. Surrogacy is when a woman carries a baby for a couple unable to conceive and carry their baby on their own. 

When I learned about surrogacy I was in high school. Now I have several children of my own and know that being a surrogate is something I am meant to do. Having babies is, apparently, something I am REALLY good at. Not sure why I got that particular "gift", but I did. 

Finding the right couple has been a challenge. I'm quite sure that one day I will meet the right couple who I will be able to help. Not sure when that will be, but I know in my heart, it will happen. 

Friends, if you're the praying kind, or spiritual in whatever way suits you; please direct your energy at the mama who needs me. She's in quite a struggle. Asking someone to care for your child is hard. Think how picky mamas can be about babysitters! But asking someone to carry your unborn child is an insurmountable fear and relinquishment of responsibility. How scary that must be! How great the compassionate she will need for that journey! How awesome the gift and responsibility. 

Tonite, mama, you're in my heart. May we meet soon that I can help fulfill this dream and may the journey be as smooth and calm for you as possible! 

Day 2/365: today

Today I really wanted to be present. To focus on my kids and the sunshine and being present in the moment. And it was awesome. 

We played in the sunshine, kicked our soccer ball, threw the softball, played in the swings, went on a nature walk, ate Popsicles, met friends and had a great day. I doubt this day will stand out in my children's or even my memory, years from now. But it was one of those really wonderful and really simple days. 

We came home, had pizza and they were right back outside, together. Playing their own game on our trampoline. Now everyone is just about asleep and all I can think is how today was exactly the kind of day I want to have with them. 

Our park, happily covered with people and sunshine. 

Fancy Baby Pictures

Those who know me personally, can tell you that splurging on "fancy newborn pictures" is not really my thing. But when your professional photographer friend wants to take pictures of your sweet newborn, it's really hard to say no!!

So, friends, here is Georgia's photographic debut!

If you love these pictures and want some of your own, please talk to my friend Kellie Conlon!! She does great work, is really sweet and accommodating with the kiddos and really makes beautiful pictures! Here's a link to her site.

Seriously. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!

Call her. You won't regret it. I only wish I had done maternity pictures with her!! But, hopefully, she will be doing our Holiday Pictures!!

Remember the duck? Be the duck

I was supposed to have a play date with a friend this afternoon. She has a 2 year old and a 3 week old baby. Life feels very tough for her. 

I was bringing my son, my girls and the baby. 4 kids in tow. We were 10 minutes late, but we were there. 

Approximately 45 minutes after our planned meeting I got a text that she had just gotten to her 2 year old daughter's school. Almost 20 minutes away, easily. 

We decided to try again for our play date. 

Tonite, I had a short, quick errand to run and I offered to bring her coffee. No answer. I went home instead. 

About an hour later I received this message:

"So I'm not good at checking my phone and I just saw this. Currently we have s clean house, 2 clean kids, a full dog, 1 nursing baby, and 1 toddler wanting milk but will have to wait bc daddy's working. Thank you for the offer! Seriously, you're my hero for doing this w 5. You always seem organized and together. I don't even feel like I can keep my life together when it's just me!"

And this was my reply:

With this message:

"That's my bedroom. I just discovered lice in Dillys hair. Again. After she cut 3 more chunks out. Again. And she's wearing a pull-up because I'd rather spend $5/mo than risk getting peed on even 1 more time. I have a minimum of 5 loads of laundry to do and at least a load of dishes. I need to sweep and swifter all over my house. I don't do this any better than anyone else. But I try to recognize that teaching my kids to roll with life will be better than freaking out over laundry and dishes. You're doing great and I'm excited for you that baby is here and you're figuring out your new normal. It's a challenge for us all! Keep pushing."

Friends, I promise, it's tough. But I also promise our kids are growing up right in front of our faces and they're going to leave us one day. If you need help planning something, ask, or check my blog to see if I have a tutorial. If I don't and you want my help, ask. If I do, use it!!

Help each other. Offer support. Fold a friend's laundry. Open a door. 

Help. Each. Other! 

I'm not perfect

I'm a mom. I have 5 kids, I love them fiercely and try so hard to do the things that I should for them. I posted about my youngest daughter yesterday. She is adorable and wonderful and I said that she was 3 months old yesterday. She's not. She's 4 months old.

An entire extra month of her life went by and I somehow, wasn't paying attention and I missed it.

A friend pointed it out when I shared her picture on facebook. I felt terrrible.

I'm her mother, surely I know how old my daughter is. Right?

Instead, I checked the calendar, fixed the blog post and the facebook post and laughed it off... and then the mom-guilt set in.

I felt like crap that I missed an entire month.

I shared on instagram a while back about her first time on swings. And then I wondered if it was really her first time on a swing. Did she go with her nanny while I was at work? Is this a joy she's already had that I missed?

Life is tough having kids. Doesn't matter if you have 1 or 5 or 11. We have created a society that makes it necessary for us to do all the things and with pinterest and instagram and everything else, there's this notion that not only are we capable of doing ALL THE THINGS, but that they are adorable, monogrammed and photograph worthy.

Let's be real, they're not.

This is my plan going forward, I am going to make an effort to do the best I can in that moment. And if it's not perfect, I'm letting myself off the hook. It's ok to not be perfect. Then, I'm going to start trying to spread some love and motivate a few others out there.

Who's with me? Can you let yourself off the hook?

I'm pregnant?!?!

As of 12:00am on November 8, 2014. I am 10 weeks pregnant with my 5th child.

Normally, most pregnancies are met with excitement, however, I have some very raw, very real mixed emotions right now.

I live in Tennessee and this past Tuesday, the people of the state of Tennessee voted to allow legislature to regulate abortion. And yes, to most readers, talking about abortion when you are stating that you are pregnant with your 5th child would sound odd. I am aware.

I am not intending to terminate this pregnancy. Though I did think about that for a brief time.

What is bothering me is that I now have the potential to lose my right to access a safe abortion in this state. More importantly, my daughters have the potential to lose their right to access a safe abortion in this state. And that, my friends, is scary stuff.

In terms of my family and the last 10 weeks. Well, let's suffice it to say that we have had a lot going on and this was not on the radar. Geoff is looking for a new job, something he can make into a career; Annie is recovering from yet another injury, Jonas is trying to find his spot, and the girls are both blossoming in leaps and bounds! Lissy has taken an interest in learning to read and Dilly is working towards being completely potty trained. Needless to say this is a big jump.

In the midst of all of this I have been putting a lot of effort into my work at school. I work diligently to get things done, not have a lot to bring home and really be focused in the classroom.

Needless to say, that's a lot going on and som decisions will have to be made about howuch one woman can actually be responsible for. I think it may be time to cut back and start saying no. 

I keep you posted...
 

Quick Question

I have a quick and easy question...
Please comment to give me your answer.

Recently, I shared my birth day stories for all 4 of my kids, that's 4 stories, with a friend of mine. Would any of my readers be interested in reading these stories? I know there have to be a lot of questions out there and I feel like a lot of them don't get answered because people gloss over things.

So, birth stories? Yes, I'll post each one. No, I'll not post them right away... No answer means I have to decide for myself and obviously, if I am asking, I'm torn!

thanks all!

Happy Anniversary

It's now been officially 11 years since I married my husband. I don't know who is crazier, me or him for marrying me.

In the last 11 years, we have experienced the following craziness:

My mother's breast cancer, job changes (several), car changes (several), the birth of our first daughter, the birth of our first child, the insanity of 9/11, the death of Geoff's grandfather, lots of high school graduations, Geoff's brother's first child/daughter, Geoff's parents' divorce, the birth of our son, I finally graduate college, Geoff's brother's second child/daughter, people moving away, friends passing away, friends getting married, friends having baby, buying our first house, my first major car accident, I finally graduate college with my Bachelors, going through a crazy point in our marriage and nearly getting divorced, fertility issues, totaling my car on a deer, more fertility issues, my aunt passes away, graduating with my first Masters, my dad has cancer, even more fertility issues, being told we are not having any more children, first year teaching, surplussed...finding a new school, Geoff becomes a stay at home dad, We're having another baby?!?!, a new little girl!, surplussed...again, finding a new school....at WHITE STATION (my alma mater), graduating with my second Masters, accepted to the PhD program!, We're pregnant AGAIN!?!?!?, the passing of Geoff's grandmother, buying a new car, my mother has cancer, Geoff graduates!, the passing of my mother, mommy's funeral, the death of one of our pets, trip to Puerto Rico, loosing my contract, welcoming baby #4, new school!, the death of another pet, accepted to the Leadership PhD program, Lissy Jane goes to school!....and life just keeps going.

It seems like more when it's in a list, but at the same time it feels like it's not as much. I could never imagine all of these things happening in the last 11 years, but I know that I couldn't have survived it without my husband by my side. He is an incredible man and a wonderful husband and a a great father and daddy. I love that he is the man I am married to and I wouldn't change it for the world!

23 weeks today

 So, today I am 23 weeks pregnant with baby #4. Geoff has taken Annie to Knoxville for the Southeastern Swimming Championship Meet. You can follow live meet results and see how everyone from tigers is doing. Below is a picture of my belly. Feel free to compare it to this time last year. I haven't been taking as many pictures, ok, I haven't taken any pictures.

Jonas and I get to have a mother-son weekend. The plan so far is zoo in the afternoon on saturday and a movie after that...we'll see how much we do! Cleaning and cooking are on the agenda for tonite, though if he asks to go out to eat, I truly might say yes.


Now that it has been 2 full months since my mom died, I still feel slightly lost. Thankfully, this weekend is the last weekend that I have to spend at her old house. Things will all be out and we can move forward in the process of grieving and loss. I feel like she is kind of here, but not really. It's like when you have a word on the tip of your tongue and you just can't think of the word. I feel like she knows everything that's going on, but at the same time I want to tell her.I know somewhere that she is safe and happy and all those wonderful things, but it just feels so wrong to have her watching over her "3 sweet angels" rather than here with us.